A Chicano Christmas Story 2

The Christmas Tree and Cousin Rudy

Dear Santa,

Christmas is always fun around
my house. The only bad thing is
that my 18-year-old cousin Rudy
always wants to be the one who
puts the star on top of the tree.

It would not be so bad if he
would only wear a belt, but
he likes showing off his big
butt cheeks to everyone.

Worse than that, he always
invites his girlfriend over who
thinks she is the hottest tamale
in town, and they like to eat up
all my snacks.

Of course, his chick isn't so hot
because everything about her
is fake. Fake nails, fake colored
eyes, fake hair, fake eyelashes,
fake hips lips, and on and
on, like forever!

The other day, I found them
lying on my bed and he said
that she was just training him
on how to give mouth to
mouth resuscitation. To me
it seemed more like she was
trying to raise the dead!

Then, when they heard Tia
Lupe walk into the house they
both jumped off the bed like
if they had gotten bitten by
something, but it was just
my pet scorpion that had
gotten loose and stung my
cousin Rudy.

Later that afternoon Uncle Louie
brought in the Christmas tree
and I knew cousin Rudy wouldn't
be able to moon us this year
cause he was hurting something
awful.

So Merry Christmas and a Happy
New Year to everybody, I guess
I'll go track down my pet scorpion
and reward it for saving Christmas.

As for her fakeness, his girlfriend
said that she didn't want to see 
cousin Rudy again, unless he could 
take her out clubbing on New Year's 
Eve.

Fat chance, cousin Rudy quit his
job at the car wash and is now
living off Tia. But just to show
that six–year olds don't hold
grudges, I told her that they can
use my room anytime they like.

Only next time, I think I'll
introduce them to my two pet
Tarantulas!

Sincerely yours,

Frankie

Frank Solis Copyright  2019

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