The Cheating Chicano Husband

I always knew that we Chicano men were devious
but I never realized just how much. I must admit
I have always been the weak willed type as far as
temptation goes, but these past Holidays really
brought out the worst in me.

I was busy petting my dog named Vato, right before
Christmas, when I accidentally hosed down la suegra
just as I was finishing watering the lawn, good thing
I was leaving for work.

I heard her say as I was leaving, "Desgraciado, hijo de
la chi…..! So I quickly drove off. But as I did, I heard her
shout out to my wife "I told you he was evil! How, can
I go to Mass all wet, and I wanted so much to show off
my new Sunday dress to all my friends."

Needless to say, I'm glad I left the house rather quickly.
Have you ever seen two angry Chicana's gang up on
one innocent Chicano? Well, it's not pretty.

But now, here I was finally cruising, free at last. I was
feasting my eyes upon every sinful sight I could see.
Here I was, a happily married Chicano with two kids
and a house with a one car garage, yet I was afraid
because of my weakness that I was going to put it all
at risk. But I couldn't help myself. My mind drifted, and
I fantasized about forbidden desires. Oh, to what
depths a man's depravity will take him.

No one saw me as I sneakily entered the joint. I just
had to be extra careful because I was sure la suegra
had spies everywhere, she had almost sixty-years
experience controlling her son in laws, except for
me of course, I was the one rock in her shoe.

All of a sudden, I could not contain my joy, as I had
found the perfect place, I checked out the action, And
sure enough it was hot! Several of them caught my
eye right away and they looked so delicious and ready
to go.

I then decided I was going to do this the right way. But
who should walk through the door right then but Father
Fidencio. "Hello, my son, I haven't seen you in Mass lately?"
My lips trembled as he studied my eyes to see if he could
catch me in a lie.

"Looking for sinners to rescue eh, Father Fidencio,"
I asked rather meekly. Luckily his phone rang and he
headed quickly for the door. "I'll be looking for you at
confession next Sunday and be sure and give your
mother in law a big thank you for the pie's she baked
for the Jamaica, she's such a saint, I have never heard
her say one bad word about anyone!" He said as he
slammed the door behind him.

Whew, that was close, because I almost gagged upon
hearing his praise for the sworn enemy of all husbands.
I was now sure that la suegra had told him all about my
sinful habits. Well, he was gone now, and no one was
going to stop me, not even him! I hadn't gone to
confession in ten years, but I was sure God would
forgive me for what I was about to do.

After all, my wife and la suegra had driven me to this
low point in my life. I then decided that this was going to
be a complete orgy, and that I was going to enjoy every
delicious moment of it. Now you know why there are so
many divorces, if only mother in laws would keep their
mouths shut, it would be a much better world.

The place was full and the cumbia music made the
atmosphere vibrate with anticipation. So many sweaty
bodies and all going for the same thing!
So heaven help
me, I took the plunge. "Deme tres taquitos de chorizo
con huevo, dos de carne asada, y dos de machacado
con bastante salsa verde." "Y para tomar señor," asked
the waitress.

"Una taza de café por favor," I replied.
Licking my lips
at the mere thought of such ecstasy. She gave me a nod
of approval, which I never got at home and I knew the five
dollar tip would keep her lips sealed. Still, I looked around
worriedly as I left the Taqueria.

Now all I had to do was stop at the car wash and vacuum
the car, to eliminate the crumbs and any evidence of my
torrid, sinful, snacking habit, and I would be all set. My wife
will never know what my suegra secretly suspects.

So, unless they call in an expert in food D.N.A. forensics,
they are out of luck! Now, after I finish tossing the remaining
leftovers to my dog named Vato only he will know and by
the way, he's not talking!

Frank Solis Copyright 2017 All Rights Reserved


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