The Cheating Chicano Husband Version 2.0

Plucked too pieces by two Chicana Chicken Hawks

The Holidays were over, and like most men
I was concentrating on watching some sports.
The basketball games are always great after the
Holidays and I was looking forward to watching
some big games.

Unfortunately, there was one, or should I say two
small problems and these were how to get my wife
and la suegra out of the house.  Instinctively, as a
man I knew that I had to outsmart them, because
when it came to their novellas, they attached
themselves to the sofa in front of the big screen TV
like superglue to skin.

My dog Vato, finally gave me a good idea. You see,
each time I fed him he wagged his tail, which showed
me he was happy. I realized that each time shopping
was ever mentioned, my wife and la suegra would get
all excited just like Vato.

So with all the talk of fake news on TV, I came up
with what I thought was a brilliant idea. I had a
friend of mine who is a graphic artist created a fake
store sales flyer for me. On the flyer it stated that all
clothing was marked down sixty percent off, but
only upon the date of the big game! Plus I made sure
the store was way across town, and that it would take
at least an hour’s drive time just to get there.

So I figured, one hour for them to get here, and then
one hour to get back home. Plus three hours shopping
and an hour for lunch and chisme with their friends,
would give me enough time to enjoy the big game.

The plan was perfect! So, I went to the store and
picked up some sodas, chicken, salsa, chips and hotdog
buns. I also invited my neighbor’s Tony and Pablo over,
since they were only too happy to watch the a big game
on my new 60 inch 4k HDTV, besides Tony cooks some
mean as hell barbecue chicken, Orale!

Later that day the phone rang during the game and it
was my wife. She said that everything was fine, except
for the fact that the sixty percent off flyer was dead
wrong. I said, “Don’t worry honey, you and la suegra
just have a good time, more than likely someone just
made a mistake on that dumb flyer.” Inside, I couldn’t
contain my happiness!

“Okay babe” she said, but there are some really nice
clothes we want to buy here?” I replied acting
surprised, “So what, you have your credit cards with
you, don’t you?” “Yes, I think I do, well sort of,”
replied my wife. “Well then, remember what I said
when you left, “Enjoy your shopping!”

“Are you sure, you won’t mind if I spend a bit more
than normal, “asked my wife. “Why, of course not,
My money is your money! I have to go now honey,
the how to fix a broken toilet part is coming on TV.”
“Okay, see you later babe,” said my wife, she
seemed satisfied that everything was under control
at home.

She hanged up just as the team dancers were doing
their thing, what perfect timing. What a game,
several six packs, and six wonderful hours later I
heard the car drive up. By then I had already gotten rid
of all the trash and had cleaned up the mess. Tony and
Pablo had already gone home and my dog Vato had
disposed of the leftovers, so and I was one very happy

Suddenly the front door opened, and they walked in
chattering away like two teenage girls on a first date.
They were carrying several shopping bags full of
expensive goodies. “How did your shopping go honey,”
I asked. “Oh, it was great babe except for one little
thing.” “Oh, and what was that,” I asked. “Well, I had
switched purses and didn’t realize that I had left all my
credit cards at home.

But not to worry, mother saved the day, she found
your Platinum card lying on my dresser and assumed
you had left it there for me to use, so she brought it
with her. By the way, mother was really pleased to
know that you had been so generous as to pay for our
shopping spree!”

“What,” I stammered! “My entire body went limp, my
heart was pounding, and hands sweating as I prepared
myself for the shock to come. “Err, how much did you
put on my card, honey?” “Oh, not too much babe with
all the shopping and lunch it added up to around eight-
hundred and fifty dollars more or less!  But it wasn’t
our fault that the coupons on the flyer weren’t any good!”
The temperature in the room went up as visions of my
planned trip to Las Vegas with Pablo and Tony to see
the famed showgirls went flying out the window as my
card was now maxed out!

I decided to take a real deep breath and not lose it,
because after all it had been my idea.  As I walked
towards the front door I passed la suegra who was
sitting on the sofa with an angelic look on her face.
“Mija, it’s almost time for our novella,” she shouted
to my wife. “Okay, mom, I’ll be there in a minute,”
replied my wife from the kitchen. As I walked out the
door, I just couldn’t help but wonder what went wrong?

Outside, I was met by my dog Vato who tried his
best to cheer me up. He walked up to me wagging his
tail and carrying a large bone from the big game
party. Then adding insult to injury, La suegra peeked
outside and said, “It’s time for supper mijo.” I asked,
“What are we having?” “Oh don’t worry mijo, we
stopped and got you a small salad to help you with
your new weight loss goals!” I could almost swear
I saw a little smirk cross her face.

Well, next time I’ll do better, I thought to myself. But
this time around I felt just like a rooster who had
gotten his feathers plucked by two Chicana chicken
hawks! Even my dog Vato stuck out his tongue at la
suegra and wagged his tail in  sympathy for me!
Now I know why a dog, is man’s best friend!

Copyright Frank Solis 2017 All Rights Reserved


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